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25 Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings That Will Crack You Up

Morgan Cutolo

By Morgan Cutolo

Updated on Jul. 28, 2025

Fortune cookie sayings often inspire you with motivating words. Other times? Not so much.

Fortune cookie sayings sure to make you laugh

You expect wise words of wisdom when you crack open a fortune cookie, but sometimes the message makes you burst out laughing instead. And that’s part of the charm! We’ve gathered some of the funniest fortune cookie sayings that will leave you laughing through tears. Share the fun the next time you break open one of these crunchy, golden treats.

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For image: Blessed are the children for they shall inherit the national debt.
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Pass the debt

The kids really are blessed, aren’t they?

For image: You are about to become $10.95 poorer (8.95 if you had the buffet).
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Buffet discount

At least it’s an honest fortune.

For image: When in anger, sing the alphabet.
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“A, B, C, D …”

I don’t think it’s working.

For image: If you eat something and nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.
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No calories

I’ve never heard such wise words.

For image: The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
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Next!

More cookies for me.

Fortune cookie with printing messed up so that you can only read the word "fail" and the rest is cut off.
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Fail

You can say that again.

For image: To truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone.
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Find yourself

Not sure that’s going to help, but I’ll try.

For image: Come back later...I am sleeping (yes, cookies need sleep too).
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Tired

Shhh, don’t wake it.

For image: It could be better, but it's good enough.
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Good enough?

Just like my mom told me.

For image: It would be best to maintain a low profile for now.
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Keep a low profile

Why? Who’s after me?

For image: Pass the bill to the person on your right.
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Not your bill

If you say so.

For image: As long as you don't sign up for anything new, you'll do fine.
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Nothing new

That is a risk I’m willing to take.

For image: Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.
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On fire

Is this sarcasm? I’m suddenly less enthusiastic.

For image: Don't panic.
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Stay calm

Well, now I’m panicking.

For image: Error 404: Fortune not found
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Fortune not found

I demand a new cookie then.

For image: Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you but what you can do for your fortune cookie.
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JFKookie

What can one do for a fortune cookie exactly?

For image: You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.
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Standout noodle

Is this a compliment? I can’t tell.

For image: I see money in your future...it is not yours though.
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Rich future

I’ll take their future instead of mine.

For image: Ignore previous cookie.
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Ignore me

But I liked that one!

For image: Enjoy yourself while you can.
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Enjoy life now

Is that a threat?

For image: You love Chinese food.
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Indeed

This fortune cookie read my mind.

Only listen to fortune cookies. Disregard all other fortune telling units.
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One type of fortune

Pay no attention to the Magic 8 Ball.

For image: If you think we're going to sum up your whole life on this little piece of paper you're crazy.
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Little paper

You could have tried.

For image: When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out—because that's what's inside.
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Orange juice

Maybe there’s a deeper meaning here?

For image: If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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Car loan

At least the bank would miss me.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

Author
Morgan Cutolo
Morgan has written dozens of lifestyle articles for Reader's Digest, covering quirky facts, trivia, memes and humor. She is a former editor at Reader's Digest and Trusted Media Brands. In her free time, she likes exploring the seacoast near her home in Maine and snuggling on the couch with her corgi, Eggo, to read a good book or watch The Office.
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Morgan Cutolo