Ready for some real (and really funny) sleep talk moments? We’ve got ’em.
18 Funniest Things People Have Said In Their Sleep
See ya, Sis
“My mum, after falling asleep on the couch: We’ll need to find a replacement …
Me: For what?
Mum: Your sister.”
—Reddit user frankiedarlin
Setting the trap
“My wife told me last month that while I was sleeping I said, ‘Set the burrito trap.’
She said she asked me what that was … I have no clue … but would like to know myself.”
—Reddit user porkfatrules
Cocoon of blankets
“My SO does this almost every night:
Her: Baby … if you were a caterpillar …
Me: … Yeah?
Her: What … what would [you do] with all those legs?”
—Reddit user basemodel
Comely critter
“I said to my fiance in my sleep: ‘I love you because you have such long antennae.’”
—Reddit user YodaPie
Founding Father
“Once a friend told me that I went on in my sleep about how great Benjamin Franklin was and referred to him as the ‘king of kites’ more than once.”
—Reddit user Shatakai
Super son
“My friend once yelled, ‘Mother! Fetch me my cape!’ to his mother’s bemusement.”
—Reddit user PneumaticPtarmigan
We’ll need to see some ID
“Just last week, my 8-year-old daughter rolled over in my bed where she’d fallen asleep and said, ‘Mmmmm … I want pizza … (pause)… and a beer.’ I nearly fell out of bed laughing.”
—Reddit user tanyagal2
R2D2 danger
“My mom told me I once said, ‘Don’t go to that party, R2. They have spaghetti. It’ll mess up your circuits.’ Honestly, I have no idea.”
—Reddit user KingMiguelMCID
Clowning around
“My dad was coming out of surgery. Sat up, pointed at my mom and said, ‘After I get rid of her, I am going to clown school.’ He then laid back down and went back to sleep.”
—Reddit user danmanne
Gardening gone wrong
“I once told my ex I had to push the plants deeper into the plant pots while simultaneously pushing her out of bed with both hands.”
—Reddit user Ninja_Guin
Wash, wish and repeat
“I once heard a friend say, ‘Just put it in the washing machine, and all your wishes will come true.’”
—Reddit user RelentlessBlount
Flirting with flowers
“My boyfriend, who is a horticulture major and works hybridizing roses, suddenly grabbed my arm in his sleep and said in a rather suggestive voice, ‘Sooo … are any of your seedlings repeat bloomers?’”
—Reddit user
Pants with buttons? Groundbreaking
“From my boyfriend: A really big exasperated sigh followed by ‘Pants with buttons. GROSS.’”
—Reddit user cheshire_brat
Trick of the light
“My wife: ‘It’s OK, honey. It’s just the light. You don’t really look like a girl.’”
—Reddit user lotsalotsacoffee
Pretty in pink
“My ex talked in her sleep a lot. One time that really stands out, she said, ‘If you paint it pink, it’ll be worth more and last longer.’”
—Reddit user electricballroom
Wild idea
“Was traveling Australia with my girlfriend. She chuckled and said, ‘It’s so simple. We get the koalas to do the washing up.’”
—Reddit user ashpow
Meet the iFridge
“According to my friends, they had asked me a question not realizing that I was asleep, and I responded with, ‘Just put it in the iTunes refrigerator.’”
—Reddit user VelocityRAPTOR33
Burritos on the brain
“My Dad: ‘Oh, no! Burritoed!’”
—Reddit user mandlebar
Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Sleep Foundation: “Sleep Talking: What Is Somniloquy?”
- Reddit: “Reddit, What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard from someone talking in their sleep?”
- Reddit: “What ridiculous things have you heard/said in yours or someone else’s sleep?”
